A second chance
by Marcelle Hvidsteen
Summary: Raven was going to die so her child could live.
1. Chapter 1

She bent over and coughed. Her pale hand was stained by blood and she annoyed wiped it on a napkin. The illness made her body shake and she grabbed the counter so not to fall over. She knew it would go over, she just had to hold on. Her body was done shaking and she fell to the floor gasping for air. Raven's hand went to her bulging stomach and the life growing inside her. She didn't know if it was her father or some being just stoping the birth of another blood relative of Trigon. Raven didn't care.

She was going to die. The child inside her was killing her, but Raven's only concern was saving her daughter's life. She looked around the small cabin. Here she had lived since the titans had broken up. Here she had realised she had lost contacted with her only friends. Here she had met a ranger, Matt. Here she had loved him, and here her love had killed him.

"I killed your father Boo. I won't let you die."

Then she fainted.

Months passed with her body growing and trying to reject what was inside her. Raven spent her time resting, eating and meditating. Doing what ever she could to save the child inside her. Even her active powers where gone. The energy going to her child, not her powers. But when she was seven months on the way she knew she couldn't do it alone. She needed help, and since Victor was the one with most medical knowlegde was he an obvious coice.

--

She was feeling better, and was relived. She didn't want to ask Victor a favour after all that time while puking blood. She had called a head and knew he would be home and expecting her. Raven looked at the people in the elevator and thought there was something familier about some of them, but she couldn't quite put it. Before the elevator stopped at the penthouse and everyone went off. They were titans and former titans. Victor's door was wide open and people ran in and out of the apartment. She walked in without anyone seeing her, and located Victor in the kitchen. He was sitting by the table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee.

"I'm sorry for just marching in."

Victor looked up at her and his face widened into a smile.

"Not at all. I'm sorry about the people, but I told Gar about you coming to town and he insisted on throwing a party."

Raven turned pale and her stomach started to object.

"Oh no."

"I tried to tell him you wouldn't like it, but you know him when he's gotten something on his mind... Are you okay?"

His eyes fell from her pale skin to her huge stomach. He jumped up.

"Here take a seat."

But she rushed to the sink and threw up. She had learned that it would come up no matter what and sooner was better than later. When she was finished Victor handed her a moist towel and they sat down.

"I'm very sorry."

"Don't think about it Rae. I've seen worse."

Raven looked at him and smiled.

"Was that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

She nodded again, not trusting her voice.

"You know I'm not a doctor."

"But you are the closet thing to one I know, and you have my medical history."

"I didn't know you were pregnant."

Raven looked away.

"I wanted to tell you in person."

Someone apparently found the stereo, because suddenly the entier apartment was thumping with sound. Raven felt her head ache, but she refused to complain about it. She looked at Victor again.

"Why did you lose contact?"

"Like you still have contact with Dick and Kori?"

"They got married two years ago, have a one year old boy named Howard."

Raven looked away again. Three years was a long time.

"Who's the father? Is he here in town with you?"

"He's dead. He died when Boo... I killed him."

"I'm sorry Raven."

Their eyes met, and Raven knew he was sincere.

"It's okay. I knew the risk, so did he, and we still choose to do it."

"Still doesn't make it fair."

"Garfield you said a small party. This is going to scare her away."

The two in the kitchen stopped talking when Richard and Garfield's voice could be heard from the living room.

"I don't hear Vic complain."

"And where is he?"

"The kitchen."

The door opened and Richard walked in, stopping on the spot when he saw Raven.

"Hi Dick."

"Rae."

A half smile before he walked over to her.

"I'm glad you're back. We've missed you."

She got to her feet and he saw her belly, but unlike with Victor, Raven couldn't read his thoughts.

"This is Boo."

He hugged her. Carefully due to her stomach, but tight. Raven hugged him back and buried her face in his shoulder. He smelled of cigarett and peppermint.

"You've started smoking?"

"Just don't tell Kori."

"Don't tell Kori what husband Richard?"

Richard turned and Kori saw her long lost friend. She gave the child on her arm to her husband before hugging her. When she let go Raven ran to the sink and threw up.

"I'm so apologetic friend Raven. Are you sick?"

"Just pregnant Kori. Don't worry about it."

"You are pregnant?"

Kori turned her around her studied her stomach. Smiling wildly.

"Oh congratulations friend Raven. Who is the father? Where is he? Is he in town? Did you know this husband Dick?"

"Matt, dead, no, no."

Kori started to cry.

"He is dead. I am so apologetic for bringing up the terrible memories."

"It's all right Kori. Don't cry."

Raven looked at the child in Richard's arms. He was small with an orange glow about him and soft black hair.

"Is that Howard?"

Kori lit up.

"Yes. He is most wonderful is he not."

"He sure is Kori."

Her eyes started to grow misty. She would never know the child growing inside her.

"Friend Raven what is the matter?"

Raven looked at the three of them and realised she was showing.

"Hormons. I'm sorry."

She wiped her eyes quickly.

"You don't need to be sorry for crying around us Raven."

She looked at her former leader, but felt sick. She had thought she could do this, but now she wasn't so sure.

All the blood rushed from her body to the baby. She stumbled, but Victor caught her and placed her firmly on a chair.

"You better tell Gar the party is off."

Victor nodded and left the kitchen.

"Party's off people. Go home."

"Dude you can't do that."

"It's my home Gar, so technically I can."

The kitchen door opened and Victor came back in.

"You want something to drink? I bought some herbal tea if you want."

"Thank you."

"Don't just walk away from me Vic."

The door slammed open and Garfield barged in. Victor just rolled his eyes and walked to the oven. Garfield passed the small group

"It's been forever since Rae ventured into town to visit us, and I want her to have fun."

"But as usual you want me to have fun by arranging things you think are fun, not necessary what I think are fun."

He turned around and looked at her.

"Hello Ga..."

He ran over and hugged her, not giving her time to finish her sentence or even stand up. Raven gasped as she felt his arms around her and her fists tightened. She had loved Matt, he had been her only friend up on the mountain, and even knowing who and what she was he had loved her. Matt was the father of her child and just for that Raven would love him for as long as there was breath in her. But none made her feel as much as the man before her. Her clinched fists opened and she pushed the man closer to her. Not caring that she was crying. Not caring that the moment he let go she would have to run to the sink. Not caring, simply, about anything. He let go and she rushed to the sink.

"Are you okay Rae?"

She felt his hand on her lower back and she threw up again.

"Dude I think she's sick."

"I'm not sick Gar."

She wiped her mouth and rose, exposing her stomach.

"I'm pregnant."

He looked shocked and, hurt? Raven wasn't sure and her powers weren't quite as they normally were. There was suddenly distance between them.

"Who's the lucky guy?"

She would have sworn there was something bitter in his voice.

"A forest ranger. Matt Tallman. You'd like him."

"If you choose him, I'm sure I will. Is he here in town with you?"

He was different. Raven was hurt, but knew how to hide it.

"No. He's dead."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm the one that killed him not you."

He looked weird at her.

"My powers killed him when Boo was conceived."

"Oh."

The room fell silent. Suddenly the door opened and Garth, formely known as Aqualad, popped his head in.

"So is this party cancelled or not? Hi Raven."

"Nice to see you again Garth. I'm sorry I was not aware that you were having a party. I'll come back later Vic."

"Okay."

"No wait. Don't go. I'll send everybody home, just don't go."

Raven looked into his pleading eyes, and had to breath to keep her stomach calm.

"I'm not in the mood for a party Gar."

"Dude, no party."

"Don't call me dude Garfield."

But the man didn't seem to care. He grinned from ear to ear before running out and clearing the flat in record time. He was still grinning when he came back.

"Okay, flat empty. Now what?"

Raven opened her mouth to tell them why she really was there, but decided against it. They were so happy, she didn't want to ruin it by telling them she was going to die. Not yet anyway.

"Pizza?"

"Pizza."


	2. Chapter 2

Garfield was running all over the place, not really doing anything. Victor and Richard was exchanging looks before Victor called a pizza place he knew of. Kori grabbed Raven's hand and demanded all of her attention.

"So tell me friend Raven, how long will you be here?"

"Until the birth."

"Good. You don't belong up in the mountain."

Raven looked up at Garfield for a moment before looking back at Kori.

"But what have you been doing up there?"

"Meditating, mostly. I've written a few books, and I work as a translater. All by computer."

"Oh you write the books? Which ones?"

"The animal kingdom series."

She couldn't help blushing when she saw the shocked looks. Even Victor had half forgotten what he was doing.

"Dude, you must be a millionaire."

"A very modest one Garfield. The publisher gets most of the money. But I manage."

"I bet. Dude, that series was in Oprah's book club."

Garfield started saying something else, but Howard crying interrupted him. It seemed to wake everyone up. Victor turned back to the telephone, and Richard gave the baby to Kori for changing. Taking her place next to Raven.

"So why did you decide to come down now?"

Raven started to cough and her hand turned bloody. She closed it quickly, but by the look on Richard's face she knew he had seen it.

"Victor could I borrow your bathroom?"

"Down the hall third on your left."

Raven almost ran out of there and closed the door, careful to not leave any blood anywhere. She washed her hands and face and when she felt calmer she unlocked the door. Richard was standing on the other side, like she knew he would.

"Raven?"

"Don't tell the others."

She looked quickly around before dragging him in the bathroom and locking the door behind her. She rested her forehead on the door and closed her eyes. She knew she was going to die in order for her daughter to live. She had accepted her fate and just been grateful for the extra time she had been given. But for some reason saying the words out loud to the man behind her was something of the hardest thing she had to do.

"Raven."

"I'm dying."

She turned around and looked at him. Both people, experts in hiding their emotions, did exactly that.

"When I give birth to this child, I will die."

"Is that why you came to town?"

"I wanted to ask Victor to help me. I never thought he would call everyone and make a big deal out of it."

A trace of sorrow in his eyes, quickly hidden, but Raven caught it.

"I have one, top two months left Richard. What's the point in hurting everybody like that?"

"You don't think we want to say good bye. We're your friends. At least we were."

"Don't say that."

Her voice cracked and her eye filled with tears.

"No one is closer to me than you four. With the exception of Matt, I haven't had any friends but you. That's why I don't want to tell them yet. I don't... I can't live with them fussing and crying and feling sorry for me. I won't."

She looked at him finally controlling her voice and her eyes.

"I was stupid to come. I'm sorry."

She unlocked the door, but he stopped her.

"Don't ever say sorry for seeking our help Raven."

A gentle touch and Raven lost control over her tears. The door opened and Beast Boy stepped in.

"Dude the pizza... What did you do?"

His voice lowered and so did his eyes. His overprotective animal side was suddenly very clear. Raven just placed a hand on his shoulder reassuring him that she was okay, wiping her tears.

"He didn't do anything Gar. Come I'm hungry."

Though he was calmer the air was still electric and Raven walked away from them as quickly as she could. With her hormons, and thereby her feelings, unstable she was unsure what she would have done or said if she had stayed. Raven walked into the living room where Victor and Kori was sitting. Kori was holding Howard and feeding him pizza.

"Kori I don't think..."

Howard was like a vacuum and sucked the pizza. Kori smiled and did the same thing. Raven looked at Victor and he just shrugged and pulled out the chair next to him. The smell finally hit her, and she realised she actually was hungry. She sat down and started to nibble on a slice. Careful not to upset her stomach.

"Where is friend Garfield and husband Richard?"

"I don't know. I came here when Gar told us the pizza was arrived. I don't know what's keeping the guys."

Raven knew Richard wouldn't tell Garfield, but the relationship between them had always been a little rocky. She hoped Garfield hadn't said anything to antagonise him. The two men suddenly entered, Garfield fuming, and while Richard sat down next to Kori and Howard, Garfield took the chair on Raven's other side.

"What's the matter?"

Raven lowered her voice like it was the most natural thing in the world keeping her termoiling feelings under control.

"Nothing. Dick's being a... dick."

Raven looked at him with her usual grown up look, sighed, before continuing to eat. Kori had taken it upon herself to tell Raven everything she had missed in the last three years including detales from when she was carrying and giving life to her bumgorf. While the boys almost constantly told Kori that it wasn't necessary to be so detailed was Raven sitting completely still listening. She learned Victor was working with the NSA, everything top secret and hush hush. Richard was a police officer working murder cases, Garfield was doing the big screen, a movie actor Richard explained, and Kori was a fashion model and now a stay at home mom.

"It sounds you've all done great."

"But dude. You're C. Orvus. That's huge. You just won a Pulitzer."

"It's no big deal Gar. And don't call me dude."

"But you have to agree Raven, you're big."

Raven looked confused around at her friends.

"None of you had any idea that I was C. Orvus?"

"What do you mean?"

Richard leaned across the table.

"Corvus is the latin name for raven."

"Dude that's genius."

"You think that was wise?"

Richard and Garfield glared at one another before they turned to Raven.

"What if someone recognise you as Raven from the titans?"

"Don't worry. It's in my contract that I don't have to go to book signings or give interviews unless I want to. By the way if you four didn't connect the name to me, I can't think of anybody who would."

"See. She's got everything under control."

Raven and Richard looked at one another, before she looked away. Her stomach growled and she had to throw up. Someone helped her to the bathroom and as she was bent over the toilet that someone placed a cold towel against her neck.

"That feels nice."

She smiled.

"My pleasure Rae-Rae."

"Did you just call me Rae-Rae Garfield?"

Raven wanted to scold him, but didn't have the energy. Garfield sat down next to her and started to gently wash her face with another towel.

"Sorry, old habbit."

He was trembling, but not from anger. She looked at him trying hard to understand what was happening inside his mind. When they were younger she could do it without even trying, now she couldn't do anything. She didn't know if it was because she had lost control over her powers, or if she just didn't know him anymore. She coughed, hiding the blood from her helper and got to her feet. She washed her hands.

"Are you sure you..."

"I'm fine Gar. Thank you."

He opened the door and the couple walked back into the living room.

"This wonderful but we better get home, it's past Howard's bedtime."

Reluctantly Kori got to her feet.

"Oh friend Raven will there be time to do more of the catching up before you leave?"

"I think so Kori."

"Oh goody."

Kori beamed.

"When?"

"Whenever you want. With the exceptions of some arrangements, for the rest of my stay I'm yours."

"And for how long will that be?"

"One month, maybe two."

Raven looked quickly at Richard before looking back at Kori. Kori, smiling as only she could, walked over for a hug, but Raven took a step back.

"I'm sorry I still feel a little queasy."

"I feel with you. When I was carrying Howard I felt the queasiness all the time. Come husband Richard."

"Bye Rae. Bye everybody."

The door closed behind them. Raven sat down finally ready to talk when she saw that Garfield was still there.

"So what do you want to do now?"

"Actually I came to talk to Victor Gar."

"Yeah?"

He looked clueless. Raven and Victor shared a look before they sighed simultaneously.

"She wanted to talk to me alone Gar."

"And?"

"Go home Garfield."

He was hurt, but masked it with his usual clown self.

"That's fine, I've got a beauty waiting for me at home."

"You've got a girlfriend?"

Raven hated that she felt jealous. He was a big boy, and he decided what he wanted to do with whom, and what he wanted to share with a woman he used to be friends with.

"Yeah, and she's made by Sony."

Garfield wanted to say something, but stopped. Raven was giggeling. No much, but a clear giggle. Garfield suddenly didn't care what Victor did or said as long as she continued to laugh. But she stopped, she always did.

"See you later Garfield."

"Okay Rae."

He left the apartment and a calmness fell over the people left.

"Tea?"

"Yes, thank you."

Raven sat down, grateful to be off her feet. Victor vanished but was back moments later with two cups. He gave her one.

"Have you thought about what I talked to you about? About being my physician."

Victor sighed as he sat down.

"I'm not a doctor."

"I'm aware of that. But you managed quite fine when we were younger."

"You weren't pregnant then."

Raven coughed. Victor handed her a tissue, but stopped when he saw her bloody hand. Raven realised she couldn't hide it anymore.

"I'm dying Victor. I'll die while giving birth to this child, and there is nothing I or any doctor can do about that. I want you to make sure Boo is fine."

"Boo?"

"It's stupid I know, but I have to call her something."

"Why not just give her a real name?"

"That's for her parents to decide. They are the ones who have to live with it."

Silence. It had started to rain hard. Raven looked at the raindrops hitting the invisible glass. She couldn't look at the man stearing at her.

"If you don't want to just say no."

"Are you sure..."

"My body is trying to reject the baby and it's taking all my power to keep her safe."

"What if you take the baby out now?"

Raven laughed and looked at him.

"Not without killing her."

Victor leaned back and said some of the biggest swearwords she had ever heard.

"No wonder Dick acted so weird."

"He saw the blood and I had to tell him, but he's not going to tell Gar or Kori, and neither can you."

"You can't keep something like this away from them Rae."

"I know, but I've still got at least a month, maybe two, and I don't want to live it with them feeling sorry for me or treating me like glass or something. I'll tell them, but not now."

He shook his head and looked at something above her head.

"And now that we got you back."

Raven wasn't sure he had said it, so she pretended not to have heard it.

"If you don't want to it's okay, but I don't know what might happen and didn't want to involve a normal doctor."

"Of course I'll do it Rae. I would do anything for you, you know that."

Raven sighed and relaxed.

"Where are you staying?"

"Four seasons."

He whistled impressed.

"Why?"

"I thought if I was to keep an eye on you and the baby it would be better for you to live here."

"Are you sure I won't intrude?"

"Are you sure you want to live here instead for the Four Season."

She flashed him a small smile.

"Any time."


	3. Chapter 3

"You're living here?"

Raven sighed as she opened the door twelve the next morning and found Garfield standing there. She turned and left him standing there, the door slamed. Raven walked in to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of tea.

"Where's Vic?"

"Work. He's taking some days off, but there was an emergence."

Garfield was standing in the doorway. She tried to ignore him and just drink her tea in peace while reading the newspaper, but it was impossible.

"If you want to talk to Victor..."

"I came for you Rae, even you have to understand that."

"And what do you want?"

She was afraid of the answer. Afraid that he would force her to do something she would regret. Something that she would never be able to do amends fore. Afraid that he would be lost for her the last few months. Afraid that he would be forced to lose another person he loved.

"Why did you leave?"

"A telephone works both ways Garfield. Cars and planes too."

"But you were the one who left."

Raven had hid every trace of emotion since he walked in to the apartment, and even now with her heart and mind racing the man causing it see couldn't the difference.

"I liked it up there. It was quiet, distant, weren't other peoples for miles."

"Except for this Matt Tallmann guy."

"If I didn't know better I'd thought were jealous."

She looked at him and suddenly his feelings were perfectly clear for her. She got to her feet.

"You better leave Gar. I have a date with Kori and I'm late."

"I'll drive you."

Raven nodded and left him to get ready in her room. There, behind the safety of the thick door, she let her tears run down her cheeks.

He was in love with her, and he would be forced to lose another loved one to death. She dried her eyes carefully before grabbing her purse and walking out to the door. Things just got a lot more complicated.

--

"Friend Raven."

Kori was waving and jumping up and down next to Howards stroller. Raven couldn't help but smile when she saw her.

"About time."

Her smile vanished as she looked at Garfield. He turned off the engine.

"What?"

"You haven't smiled once since you came back."

"I just haven't smiled to you."

It hurt to be mean to him, but she had to make him stop loving her so much.

"I'm used to that."

Why was he smiling? Raven left his car without saying goodbye and walked over to Kori and the child.

"Friend Raven you have been missed."

She hugged her and was surprisingly weak.

"Are you feeling all right Kori?"

"Oh I am feeling quite well thank you, but husband Richard told me that you were not as strong as you usually are because of the pregnancy and that I had to be very careful with you."

Raven smiled again and followed Kori as they entered the mall of shopping. Raven had forgotten how much she liked you being close to Kori. Her pure kindness and compassion a nice contrast to the egoistic and cruel feelings Raven felt on a daily bases as an empath.

"Friend Raven lets go there."

Kori had pointed to a baby store. Raven stopped breathing, but followed the woman.

"Oh friend Raven isn't these sweet."

She was holding a pair of teen titans one-pieces. Raven was always taken a bit back every time she saw the comercial items of teen titans. The show, action dolls, clothes, cereal.

"Howard has all the Robin effects. I love dressing him up like his father."

"You mean a cartoon version of somebody his father played?"

Kori tilted her head and looked at her.

"Forget it."

"You want to buy the Raven baby-clothing?"

Raven shook her head and smiled. Kori just turned and started to look at something else. Placing various items in front of Howard to see how he looked. Raven walked a few feet away. Trying to look at the baby clothings. She picked up a bright purple dress and couldn't stop the tears in her eyes. Would her daughter have purple eyes like her? Or violet hair? Grey skin? Or would she resemble her father with dark skin, brown eyes and hair. What would her favourite colour be? Would she like animals? Would she be timid, agressiv or fearless? Would she have powers? If so would she have all her powers or just some? Would there be anyone around to teach her how to control her powers? She knew Victor would make sure she was okay, but he was a single man in the prime of his life. She couldn't assume he would take her in, and she wouldn't ask him to.

"That is a wonderful dress friend Raven, but that is for toddlers. The baby wouldn't be able to wear that until he or she's one or two. Depending on how big he or she is."

"A girl. I'm having a girl."

Raven couldn't be more grateful for anything when Kori gave her that big smile.

"A girl. Oh Raven that's wonderful."

Raven cried, and Kori cried, and then Howard cried. Kori started to hush Howard up as Raven turned around and coughed into a handkerchief. It stained red and she quickly closed it.

"Oh friend Raven, don't you feel well?"

"I'm just a little tired Kori."

"Then how about lunch?"

Raven smiled gratefully.

"Lunch will be nice."

--

Raven smiled with pure joy as she sat down on the sofa back home with Victor. Off her feet. Alone. She loved the time she had spent with Kori and Howard, but seeing them together just reminded her of the fact that she would never be able to do that with her child.

"I'm sorry Boo. Maybe coming here was a mistake?"

"Cold feet already?"

She looked up and was surprised to find Victor standing there in the doorway. She pulled herself up and looked down. He smiled as he came over and sat down next to her.

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Don't be so humble Rae, it's not like you."

Raven looked up, confused but not showing it.

"Garfield loves me."

"I know. We all know."

She started to cry again and she angrily dried them.

"I should leave."

"You have to do what you want, but leaving will hurt them more than knowing you are going to die."

She hated her hormons going out of control. On one side it wasn't fun, because crying and feeling bad couldn't be counted as fun, but it was good to be able to feel freely. She shook her head. Even her thoughts weren't comprehensible. She started coughing up blood again.

"Lift up your shirt."

"Vic..."

"Am I your doctor or not? Now lift up you're shirt."

Raven pulled up her shirt and Victor pulled out a stetoskope like thing from his arm and pressed it against her chest.

"You're puls is too high Rae, I can give you some medisin."

"Wouldn't it be bad for the baby?"

"Their mild ones, the baby wouldn't like it if mommy died..."

He looked away understanding a bit too late what he did. Raven grabbed his hand lightly.

"It's okay. I'll take the medisin. I just hope I can keep it down."

The door opened and Garfield strolled in, freezing when he saw them. Victor got to his feet, as did Raven, holding her shirt to cover her bare chest.

"Gar you can't just walk into people's houses without knocking."

"Garfield what do you think you are doing?"

"What am I doing, what are you doing without your shirt on?"

"Victor is my doctor Garfield, he was giving me a physical. Now get out so I can put my clothes on."

He grinned, suddenly relaxed.

"It's not like I haven't already seen it."

In lack of powers to disiplin him she grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. It was strange, and nice. She liked him more now annoying her, like he had when they were kids, than the one who smiled and LOVED her. She put the shirt back on.

"I'll get you that medisin."

Raven's eyes grew.

"What medisin?"

Victor paled.

"My heartbeat is a little high. It's quite common when you're pregnant. Right Victor?"

Victor nodded, before leaving. Raven wanted to say something to remove the strong feelings from the man walking towards her, but her voice vanished.

"So what do you want to do today?"

This wasn't faire. She was dying. She was pregnant with another man's child, giving up her life so her daughter could have one. She wanted to give him something better. Give him a chance to find someone better, but the only way he would let himself do that was by stop loving her. To do that she had to be evil. She knew too well how to be that.

"I want you to leave me alone. You've bugged me since the day I've met you, and I have longed for the day the team would break up so I could get you away from me. But no. You had to keep forcing yourself on me, and I had to move up to the mountain to get away from your juvenile and idiotic personality and get some peace and quiet. But as soon as I want to visit a friend, Victor, you have drown me in your stupidity. I can't breath when your near me and I want you to leave me alone. You irritate the hell out of me and truth be told I have never liked you."

His smile vanished and his face hardened in a way that scared her. Raven wanted to throw up, but refused. She was grateful she had perfected her poker face as a kid. But he was hurting, and Raven wanted to say something to soften his pain without stopping him from hating her.

"Vic still sees you as one of his closest friends, and I don't want to ruin that for him. I want you two to meet when you want, so if you could please just call before you come over, like a normal person, we don't have to see one another."

He got up and left the apartment. Raven looked up at Victor and knew he had heard, if not everything then the general jest. She jumped up and ran over to the bathroom. When she was done there and needed to cry, he was there and let her do what she needed to do. He patted her back trying his best to comfort her, not agreeing with what she had done, but accepting her right to do it. When she felt better he gave her an orange box.

"You have blood pressure medisin in your apartment?"

"One of my ex-es was a doctor. I have a lot of different things here."

"Ex? You broke up with Karen?"

He smiled and Raven knew the smile.

"Karen and I broke up about six months after your last visit. Then there was the weather girl. Then I got back together with Karen. Broke up. Got together. Then the doctor and two very hot weeks with Jinx. A short fling with Karen before she got married, and that was it. How about you?"

Raven looked at him before swallowing teo small brown pills.

"Matt, and you see how that ended up."

Victor nodded, and confirmed Raven's suspicions.


	4. Chapter 4

Raven froze as she heard voices when she opened the door in to the apartment, and thou she didn't mean to eavesdrop she just couldn't move.

"Victor I need you."

"Karen go home to your husband. You made your choice."

"I was wrong. I love you Victor. I always have."

Raven finally managed to close the door, but her hand was still resting on the door-handel.

"This has nothing to do with you Rae. He's a big boy. He never reprimanded you. Let him do as he please."

But it still took a lot of force to let go of the brown door. To turn around and walk to the staircase, which rarely was used since they were on the top floor and had two working elevators. There she sat down, with some difficulties, and waited. Several hours later Raven saw Karen walk out of the apartment and take the elevator down. She got to her feet and walked up and in the apartment. She heard the sound of someone turning off the shower, and knew that Victor was looking at her. Disappointed that she wasn't someone else.

"Did your thing go well?"

"Yes. I got C. Orvius's accounts transferred to the Caiman Islands, and put in the name of Boo Roth. Hopefully no one will get the connection. I put you down as the manager next to me. I hope that was okay."

"Of course."

The phone rang and Victor turned his head so quickly Raven got worried he would hurt himself.

"Take it. I'm beat anyway. I'm going to bed."

He nodded, and left. Raven looked after him, hating what Karen was doing, what he was allowing her to do. But she shook her head, refusing to let herself think about it.

--

"Could you get me a lawyer?"

"Will?"

Raven nodded and Victor sighed before giving her a I'll-do-what-you-ask-smile.

"Victor."

"Yeah?"

"You'll tell me if you don't want to do something. I don't want to bother you, I can take care of myself."

He gave her a half smile. She wasn't just referring to the lawyer. He sat down to put weight behind his words.

"I want you to be here Rae. I'm not going to lie and say that this is easy, but it's not the things you ask for that's hard. It's what you are."

"Pregnant?"

It was ment as a joke. Raven gave him a small smile and Victor sighed, but smiled back.

"You do understand, don't you?"

"I do, and thank you for being honest."

"At least someone has to."

He got to his feet again. She frowned.

"Is this about Gar again?"

"You broke his heart. He can't help being in love with you. You should be honest with him."

"You should talk."

He hardened and Raven was too upset to care.

"What do you mean with that?"

"I mean your not only in love with a married woman, your sleeping with her too. She's not going to leave her husband for you."

He marched out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Raven felt horrible. She shouldn't have said anything, just kept her mouth shut. She ran to the bathroom, threw up, and after washing herself she just walked back and fourth. She meditated, but that didn't help either. The phone rang and Raven made a small scream of suprise and turned to look at her cell lying on the table. It continued to ring and Raven took it.

"Hello."

"Friend Raven are you okay?"

Raven was startled, but happy it was Kori.

"Yes. Why?"

"Victor is here and he's having guy talking to Richard. He seems quite upset. Did something happen?"

Her voice disappeared. She coughed to get it back, but this just made Kori more worried.

"Raven..."

"I'm fine Kori, I just said something I shouldn't have."

"You? What?"

Raven had to smile at Kori still childlike naivety.

"You want to come over tomorrow?"

"Oh yes, please lets."

Raven looked at a spot on the wall and didn't know if she should be relived that Victor wasn't with Garfield.

"Gar is here too Raven. He's also upset over something."

Raven started to cough, and blamed the tears on that. They talked a little more, or Kori talked while Raven listened, before they said their goodbyes and hung up.

--

"Kori said you invited her over tomorrow."

Raven nodded and looked up at him. Victor sat down in the couch.

"I can ask her to meet me somewhere else if you..."

Her voice didn't manage to say the entire thing, but she wouldn't deny him it.

"I want you to stay here Rae. I like it. Reminds me of when we were kids."

He gave her a small smile.

"I'm sorry about Karen. I shouldn't have said anything. It's none of my business."

"No, you're right. I do love her, and I'm willing to break myself down just to be with her one more time. Knowing she has a husband. Knowing she will leave. Because of love."

"Love sucks."

He laughed. She couldn't help smile when he did.

--

"Kori, I'm sick."

"You need a bucket?"

"No. I mean, I'm dying."

"For what?"

"When I give birth, I will die."

"..."

"Do you understand Kori?"

"Not all women die when they give birth, even thou it seems like that."

"I know, but I will die."

Raven hated how sad Kori was. Why did they have to care so much about her?

--

_To my good friends Victor Stone, Richard Greyson, Kori Greyson and Garfield Logan, 250 000 dollars each. As well as 250 000 dollars to the preservation of Gold Min' Mountain._

_200 000 dollars is to be given to each of the children of Victor Stone, Richard Greyson, Kori Greyson and Garfield Logan at my unborn child's 21st birthday or death, whichever comes first, to be put in funds and to be at their disposal no earlier than their 21st birthday. _

_All the rights to my stories, including but not limited to their movie rights, is to be given to Victor Stone, and the money to be split evenly between him and my unborn child. _

_800 000 dollars is to be put in a fund under the direction of Victor Stone, to help pay for my unborn child's living expenses. No more than 40 000 dollar can be drawn out of the account in one years time, with the exception of great medical distress in which Victor Stone has full control over the account. _

_800 000 dollars is to be put in a fund to pay for college if she chooses to do so. If not the money is to be hers at the age of 21._

_The rest of the amount will be my unborn child's when she reaches the age of 21. Until then I want the control to go to Victor Stone. Whom I also leave in charge with finding a home for my unborn child._

_Raven Roth_

Raven signed the testament, then looked out of the window as Victor and Richard signed as her witnesses. The birds were flying in pink and white trees. She had been here two weeks already. How much more time did she have?

--

"You can't stay inside all day Rae. You need fresh air."

"I'm fine."

"You look like a ghost."

"I'm dying Vic, fresh air won't change that."

Raven looked up and sighed. Putting down the pen.

"Fine, I guess I have to follow the doctor's orders."

Victor grinned before helping her to her feet.

"I wanted ice cream anyway."

He laughed as he helped her with her jacket, and Raven was happy he was relaxed. Just because she was unhappy didn't mean she wanted Victor to be unhappy. She was surprised over how warm it was. June. It was warmer in the city than she remembered from the mountain.

"You okay? You're shaking."

"I'm fine."

They were walking along the path to the park just opposite Victor's apartment building. He looked at her.

"Honest. You don't look fine."

"Fine, Mr. Detective. I was thinking of Gar."

"You mean how you've tricked him into being mad at you, so you wouldn't feel so bad about dying."  
"You make it sound so awful."

A cyclist flew between them, for a moment halting the conversation.

"It is awful. You are denying him the chance to say goodbye. How awful do you think he will feel knowing you died while he was mad at you?"

"Don't you think I know that? If I wanted to be kind, I wouldn't have come back."

Victor froze and Raven looked up at him.

"Don't say that. Don't say that saying goodbye doesn't mean anything, it does. If you had lost someone..."

"I have lost someone Vic. And saying goodbye didn't stop the fact that he died in my arms, or that he died because of me."

Raven's gaze went to something behind him and she suddenly gripped his arm. Placing the other on her stomach like she was trying to cover it up. The woman that was coming toward them was dark, fair, beautiful and about their age.

"Murderer."

Victor wanted to say something, but Raven shook her head almost undetectably and squeezed his arm a little tighter. Her hand vanished from her stomach, and it took all her will to stay emotionless. Not giving in to the coughing, puking or trembling legs.

"Hi Ann."

"You killed my brother."

"It was ruled an accident."

"He was fit as a bear, I can't believe his heart would just give out like that."

Raven kept her face dead pan, but her grip tightened. Victor kept his mouth shut, respecting her wishes, even against his better judgement. He had done that a lot lately.

"I never liked you. You clouded his jugement 'Boo'. He would jump through hoops for you. And now less than a year later you're already on the arms of another man. You whore. You murderer."

"I'm really sorry about Matt, Ann."

Ann hit her, before storming off. Raven fell over in Victor's arms, no longer having the strength to stand on her own feet.

"Thank you for not saying anything. She's right. Intentionally or not, I did kill him."

Her voice was even more raspier than usual, and she was gasping for air.

"You need to get to a hospital Rae."

Raven didn't manage to argue, so Victor just picked her up, carried her to the car and drove her to the hospital.


	5. Chapter 5

Raven was lying in the bed breathing in through the oxygen mask. She looked up as Richard walked. in.

"Victor is still talking to the doctor. How are you feeling?"

Raven pulled her mask off.

"What's going on?"

"They want you to deliver."

"Is she sick?"

"No, you are."

Raven pressed her lips together for a moment.

"I'm not ready yet."

"We thought so, so we're working on getting you out. Victor told them he was the father, it gives him more leverage. I hope that was okay."

Raven just nodded, and after a lot of persuasion the three of them managed to talk the doctor to let her leave. She was being rolled down the hall when Garfield suddenly was standing there. Raven looked at the two men hoping one of them would say something, but they didn't. Garfield walked over and grabbed both handels, forcing them to stop and Raven to look at him.

"Are you crazy? Why won't you just have the baby? I understand that you're scared she won't be healthy and that the last month is important for lung development, but Rae, having astma is nothing compared to not having your mother."

Raven wanted to kiss him. To thank him for being so wonderful when she had given him so much pain. All she could do was cough.

"Are you okay? Nurse."

"I'm fine."

Raven held out her hand to stop the nurse from running to her side. She couldn't risk her seeing the blood. She got to her feet, forcing him to take a few steps back. Then she touched his shoulder to calm him down, like she had used to do when they were team-mates.

"Trust me."

Then she walked out of the hospital without looking back.

--

The next few days Raven slipt in and out of consciousness. She was sure all she needed was time, but there were two problems with that plan. One, she didn't have that much time. Two, the people who looked after her. Raven hated how sad they were, and was grateful that they only came in to feed her and help her go to the bathroom. This was why she didn't want to tell them.

She opened her eyes and was surprised to find Garfield sitting by her bed with a bowl of soup.

"Welcome back Rae."

"What are you doing here?"

"Vic had to go to work, so he asked me to babysit."

"I don't need a babysitter."

She wasn't angry, didn't have the energy to be angry. He laughed and gave her the soup. It was spinach.

"You have to eat. You're folate level is low and that isn't good for the baby or you."

"You know what folate is?"

Raven raised an eyebrow as she started to, slowly, eat the soup. It was rich and warm.

"Folic acid, also known as Vitamin B9 or Folacin, and Folate, the naturally occurring form, are forms of the water-soluble vitamin B9. Vitamin B9 is essential to numerous bodily functions ranging from nucleotide synthesis to the remethylation of homocysteine. It is especially important during periods of rapid cell division and growth, such as in infancy and pregnancy. Both children and adults require folic acid to produce healthy red blood cells and prevent anemia. Folate and Folic acid derive their names from the Latin word folium wich means leaf."

Raven looked at him and had a hard time not showing how surprised and a bit impressed she was.

"And this from a boy who slept with a teddy at the age of fourteen."

He was hurt, and as he always did when he was hurt he turned it into a joke.

"Hey, who knows. Maybe it's Teddy who made me as smart as I am today."

"Based on everything else I know about you, I wouldn't say it was worth it. Especially when you're still referring to it by it's first name."

Raven gave him a smal smile and he lit up. It was nice being with someone who treated her as a normal pregnant woman, and not a dying one. Raven finished about half the bowl before she stopped.

"Are you done?"

She nodded and he placed it on the nightstand. Then he jumped up and got a pair of slippers. He offered her his arm.

"Come."

"What are you doing?"

"Just come with me."

She got out of bed and while leaning on him, they walked out into the living room.

"Yes?"

"Look."

He pointed out the window and she followed his finger to a huge billboard of him and some red-headed girl.

"For your new movie?"

"Yepp."

He was almost bursting. Not from pride, but anticipation. For her approval. Like a dog his tail was wagging, waiting for her to give him a treat and tell him he did good. That she was impressed. Raven turned and walked over to the kitchen without saying anything else.

"Rae."

He followed her like a whining kid. She smiled, but was careful not to show it to him. She put on the water-boiler.

"You want some?"

"Rae, come on. A billboard. That's cool."

"You've been on a billboard before."

"No, Beast Boy's been on a billboard."

She looked over her shoulder. Garfield was leaning against the frame in the open door.

"And don't say that I am Beast Boy, I know that, but I'm not him anymore. If that makes sense to you."

"I'm not the one it has to make sence to."

The light switched off and the button was mechanically pushed up. Raven grabbed two cups, put a tea bag in one and two teaspoons of coffee in the other.

"Milk?"

"Sugar."

She took a spoon of suger in it, then the hot water.

"One more."

"Sugar isn't good for you."

But she put another spoon in before giving it to him, trying not to show how much him suddenly standing right behind her affected her.

"You still feel Beast Boy on your shoulders?"

"Now don't get me wrong, being a superhero was great. I loved it. I mean, in the end, you have no idea how many girls wants to sleep with a superhero."

"Girls want to be with a great guy."

"You don't."

Raven wanted to hit him. She wanted to yell and scream at him. But all she could do was turn around and hit the table with the cup as loud as she could without breaking it or spilling out the content.

"Don't."

"Don't what? I love you Rae. You have to know that. All I want is to love you."

"Stop."

She looked at him with anger and hate to cover up the pain.

"I love my baby's father, and if you can't act like a decent human and respect that you have to leave."

"I'm sorry. You're right. I was over the line."

Raven was astonished that Garfield Logan, the same Garfield Logan that at one point had stole one of her bras just to prove he could, knew were the line was.

"Thank you."

They drank a bit in quiet.

"You still haven't said anything about the billboard."

Raven couldn't help herself. She bent over and pressed both hands over her mouth, or more precisely one over the other over the mouth, but the laughter still got out. Somehow. She saw his tale wag and this just made her laugh even harder. He grinned and took a new sip.

"I knew you didn't hate me."

She stoped laughing.

"I never said I hated you."

"You said you didn't like me."

"Not liking is not the same as hating Garfield."

"Not to me. Not when it comes to you."

She wanted to cough, but bit her teeth so hard together it hurt.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"Because you hurt my feelings Rae or because it's not true?"

It was so wonderful having him there, even when he annoyed her. For a moment Raven imagined what it would be like if Boo was his, but she quickly rejected the thought. Boo was Matt's child and Garfield was just a friend.

"A bit of both."

He looked pleased. Like a child believing he has won over his mother in an argument. He folded his arms.

"Now, tell me what you think of the billboard."

Raven raised one of her eyebrows and folded her arms. Garfield shrank.

"Please."

--

"What are you doing?"

Raven sighed as Victor placed a tea cup on the table before sitting down on the chair.

"Trying to write a letter to Boo."

"To say what?"

"I don't know. I just feel... It's stupid. She might not even know she is adopted."

Raven looked quickly over what she had written and crossed out the last line. Victor turned the pad and read it.

"Shouldn't you be a little more, I don't know, personal. You don't even say that you're her mother."

"As I said, she might not even know she's adopted."

"I think if she's allowed to read the letter she knows."

Raven sighed and leaned back. Resting her hands on her stomach and smiled as Boo kicked.

"What?"

"She kicked."

He was happy. Not because the baby kicked, but because she was happy.

"There is one thing I want to know Vic."

"What?"

"How come Gar suddenly knows about folate?"

Victor grinned and Raven regretted asking.

"When he found out you were pregnant he borrowed all the baby books he could, bought the rest, and memorized them."

Raven sighed.

"Is it stupid to ask why?"

"He didn't do it when Kori was pregnant."

Raven looked out the window and the stupid face that was plastered there.

"Be there for him. Try to make him understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why I did what I did."


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh this is most wonderful. There is nothing more thrilling than to celebrate the birth of your baby. Oh. I'm so sorry friend Raven."

"It's okay Kori. You just have to make sure that Boo gets to celebrate her birthday too."

Kori's sad face lit up as she placed the cake down on the picnic table.

"Of course Raven."

Raven looked out on the park and the children filling it. And a little girl sitting on a bench crying. For no other reason than compassion, Raven sat down next to her.

"Are you okay?"

The girl dried her eyes before flashing her a smile and nodding.

"You wouldn't be lying to me?"

The girl looked surprised at her. Her brown eyes so large they filled half her face. Then she looked down and her eyes filled with tears.

"The other children are making fun of me."

"Why?"

"The only reason why anyone is made fun of. There's one of me, and a lot of them."

Raven was a bit taken back by how mature the girl seemed though she couldn't be more than six or seven.

"And what do they claim to be the reason?"

"I'm smarter than them."

"Then you're lucky."

"I don't feel lucky."

Raven touched the poor girl's hand, and she looked at her.

"What's your name?"

"Jasmin."

"You know that this won't last, don't you Jasmin? That you will meet people who adore you for your inteligence. Who will depend on it and cherish it like only true friends can."

"How can you be so sure? How do you know?"

Raven pointed at the other former titans.

"Because I did."

Jasmin looked at them and at Garfield who happened to look at them at that moment.

"I think that blond man likes you."

"I know he does. I like him too."

"Do you love him?"

Raven looked down at the girl.

"He's one of my best friends."

"That means you love him, or otherwise you would just have said you loved him as a friend or that you didn't love him."

"How old are you?"

The girl grinned before running toward a woman with dark hair. Raven walked back to the party. Garfield was there, sitting by the table, eating a tofu hot dog. He grinned and indicated for her to sit. She sat opposite of him, needing something tangible between him and herself.

"You really have a gift with children Rae."

"If there had been a kid here with green skin I'm sure you would have done the same thing."

"Probably, but you're still good with children. You're going to be a wonderful mother."

Raven couldn't look at him and was relived that Victor came and gave her a hot dog.

"You sure you don't want a tofu hot dog. It does wonders on babies."

"And risk her growing scrawny arm like you? I think I'll stick with the meat."

His face lit up and he continued to eat while grinning. Raven looked at Howard and his parents. She started to cough.

"Are you okay?"

Without Raven noticing Garfield had walked to her side and was now sitting down next to her, a stupid worried look on his face. She pushed him away.

"I'm fine."

He fell backward with his hand on his chest like he was dying, and Raven couldn't help laughing. He sat up, leaning on his arms, just grinning. Dirt on his cheek.

"You have something."

"Did I get it?"

It grew to his other cheek.

"No, other side."

He touched his chin. Raven gave up. Victor came up behind him.

"Who's ready for some football?"

Garfield jumped up.

"You have something."

Garfield touched his forehead.

"Forget it."

"Dude, how much dirt is there?"

Victor and Raven shared a look.

"Okay, it's me and Dick against you and Kori."

"Dude."

"If you want to complain, you can tell her."

Garfield swallowed.

"I'd rather not."

Victor smiled to Raven and again she laughed. She blamed it on the hormons.

"Are you going to be fine dude?"

"Don't call me dude Garfield."

"Don't call me Garfield Rae."

Kori walked over and handed her Howard, before they joined Dick on what would be the playing field. Raven bounced Howard up and down on her knee and he laughed as only the child of Kori could.

"Hello Raven, or is it C. Orvus now?"

Raven stop breathing as she looked up. He wasn't wearing his mask, and Raven would never have guessed he was who he was. Howard looked up at her, wondering why she suddenly stopped bouncing her.

"You're powerless now aren't you?"

Threat. If you scream he would hurt her. Hurt her child and hurt Howard. Raven just looked at him. He seemed old, but not frail or tired. Just old.

"How..."

"You were sloppy. The mechanic who loses his limbs in an accident and struggles with his humanity? The prinsess that is betrayed and sold as a slave by her sister? The vigilante who rebels against his foster father? The boy that talks to animals and therefore is treated as one? All written by a C. Orvus, the latin name for Raven? Tisk tisk."

"Raven..."

"Hush."

Raven quickly squeezed Howard to quiet him. While she did that she scratched herself and quickly wrote SLADE on the boy's arm. Then she placed him on the ground.

"I have to talk to this man Howard, go to your dad, and be careful."

He smiled to her and started to run toward the others as quickly as his legs allowed without leaving the ground. Raven turned to the man.

"What do you want?"

He grinned and before Raven could utter a word, he inserted a surringe in her arm and then she passed out.

--

"I thought we killed you."

"Switched bodies."

"How unoriginal of you."

Slade laughed as he checked her cackles. It was disturbingly charming, and Raven felt like throwing up.

"There's a bucket there if you need it."

Raven looked away, upset he could read her that easy. She had worked her whole life keeping her feelings at a distant. Not just the good, but the bad too. She didn't like the way they somehow now resurfaced.

"Why did you take me?"

"Do you know how powerful your child might be."

"Still looking for an aprentise? I would rater die..."

"But you are dying Raven."

Raven was taken back by how he knew that. It left a foul tast in her mouth. She grabbed the bucket. He laughed again. When he finally left Raven looked around in the cold room. A bed and a bucket. Stairs going up to a sort of balcony which had the only door out. Raven leaned back on the bed and allowed herself to cry. For her child. For her friends, who she knew was worried and looking for her, and for herself.

--

"Raven."

She looked up and was happy and relived to see Victor, Richard and a hawk up on the balcony. Raven got to her feet as Victor jumped down landing on the ground with so much force the walls cracked. Raven didn't care. But her eyes grew as Slade was suddenly standing behind Richard and Garfield. With a swift move he had pushed Richard off the balcony and into Victor's arms. Then he grinned to Garfield. Raven felt sick, and not just because Slade was smiling.

"I start to see why she didn't tell you she was dying."

Raven couldn't stop the tears forming in her eyes or the blood she was coughing up. She wanted to meet his eyes. To be there for him. But she couldn't.

"I guess you're just not the type of fellow people tell things to."

Raven looked up and was surprised to find Garfield in his human form. He was looking at her with pain and hurt in his eyes and waves of it gushed from her and made her cough again. Victor was there by her side, and since she had to use both hands to cling to him, she couldn't stop the blood from landing on his chest for everyone to see. For Garfield to finally see. When Raven was calmer she looked up at him again and saw him morph.

Ever since he got the ring all of the animals he morphed to looked like normal animals. All, it seemed, but the Beast. His skin turned green and he grew. She looked down as Victor started to cut her cackles off with a laser. When they fell to the ground with a high klank, she rubbed her wrists which was soar and red, before looking up at the balcony again. Garfield, again in human form, was just looking at her. She started to cough again and had to look away. Pained and ashamed.

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

Flaps of wings. Then Raven passed out.


	7. Chapter 7

As Raven woke up Karen was standing over her, readjusting a bag of liquids hanging n a metal pole. Karen looked down and smiled to her, and for a moment all Raven could see was her old friend Bumblebee and not the woman that was breaking her friend's heart.

"You gave us a scare there girl."

"What's wrong?"

"Dehydration. Don't worry, the baby is fine."

Raven nodded and rose her upper body to a sitting position. Karen picked up another pillow and adjusted them so Raven could sit comfortably.

"You should eat something."

"Are you a doctor?"

It wasn't anger or contempt behind it. It was a simple question. Karen nodded.

"Yes. Psychiatrist. Vic's doing a great job, but I've got the supplies. Now what do you want to eat?"

"Anything is fine."

Karen nodded again and left. When she was gone Raven got to her feet and walked over to the cupboard, careful not to let the IV-needle fall out of her arm, and started to pack. She didn't want to hurt them anymore. She was done feeling bad just because she wanted to be with her friends. She was done feeling like the bad guy, even if that ment she had to be alone the last few weeks. She was done.

"Raven?"

She looked up. Richard was standing there with a bowl in his hand and a confused look on his face.

"I'm leaving. I shouldn't have come."

"Why?"

"All I wanted was to be with the people who made me happy. All I wanted was to die knowing that someone cared for me."

She was crying and held so tight to the cupboard her hands went from grey to white.

"I never regretted my decision. I never... I never asked why I had to die. I never asked to live. I was content until I came back. I..."

Richard, without the bowl, hugged her and Raven held on to him so tight she almost tore holes in his shirt.

"I don't want to die."

She had never dared to say it. Not aloud. Not even in her head. Saying it meant wanting it. Meant it was true. Richard held her tight as one hand went up to her head, to comfort. It was a protective act and it did comfort. Raven continued to cry.

"I don't want to die."

"I know."

After a while her crying calmed down and she finally let go of him.

"Thank you."

"We all love you Rae, you know that."

Raven nodded and quickly dried her eyes. Then she checked the drip, adjusted it, before sitting back down on the bed.

"I think it's a bit cold. You want me to warm it up?"

Raven shook her head as he gave he the bowl.

"If you want to smoke you can open the window."

He grinned as she started to eat the soup. Richard walked over to the window and after opening it he lit a cigarette.

"How is it? Having a baby."

"Boring. Tiresome. You know in the beginning they have to be fed every two hours. And then there's the nappies. And the noise. Sometimes I think Howard cries just to mess with me. Not to mention when they start to walk and destroy everything of value. He might seem sweet and nice when he's here, but trust me. He can be a monster at home."

But Raven knew that it was worth it, and she knew Richard felt that way too. That he told her just the bad side to make her feel better. And that she knew that. She finished the soup as she heard a larg bang from the living room. Both suddenly were alert. Richard walked out of the room with Raven close behind him. Karen was standing close to the wall next to Kori holding Howard. None of them scared, but anxious. The table was flung to the side and in it's place was Victor holding around the neck of a broken down and drunk Garfield. Victor's grip was forcing Garfield to look at him without hurting him too much.

"Gar you have to get a grip. You think you're helping the situation by acting like a kid? You think you're the only one who's suffering here?"

Raven couldn't breath. He was suffering. He was suffering because of her. And she couldn't get away. She couldn't breath. The room was too small. There wasn't any oksygen in it. She couldn't breath and he was in pain because of her.

"Get me a paper bag, and get him out of here."

Karen bent down beside her.

"You are having a panic attack Raven. There is nothing to worry about. Can you count backwards from ten for me?"

"Ten... Nine... Eight..."

"Your doing a good job."

Karen helped Raven to the couch and got her to lie down.

"Just continue counting, you are doing great."

"Seven... Six... Five... Four..."

Karen's voice was so comforting and reasuring that when she got the paper bag she was almost breathing normally. The door opened and closed and Richard entered. Raven hadn't even noticed he had left.

"Vic's taking Gar home and staying with him for a while."

"How is he?"

Raven looked at Kori while breathing slowly into the bag. Richard looked quickly at Raven before sighing.

"He just needs time."

It was just as much to her as to Kori. Raven closed her eyes and removed the bag. Then she turned to her side because the huge stomach was putting pressure on her organs and it was uncomfortable. She closed her eyes as Kori placed a blanket over her and Richard and Karen put the table the right way. Howard was standing by Raven's stomach and gently stroked it. He was thrilled when something kicked against his hand, but understood from the tension in the air that this wasn't the right time to point it out.

--

"You are sure you're fine on your own?"

"Yes, now please go to work."

"I'm sorry, but they had an emergency."

"And needed the best. Now go."

Raven decided to meditate now that she felt better. After about two hours she felt better than she had in weeks. She got to her feet and turned on the water boiler when someone rang the doorbell. Raven walked over and was surprised and scared to find Ann on the other side. Ann just pushed the door open and marched in, not noticing that Raven was pregnant. Raven managed, thanks to the two hour meditation she had just finished, to seem calm and collected though her head was racing to figure things out.

"You you're living with him?"

"I don't have a place here in the city. Can I ask what you are doing here?"

Ann turned and waved some papers in her face.

"I'm suing."

"Excuse me."

"I'm taking you to court. I'll expose you to the world you harlot. You murderer."

"If it's money you want..."

Raven made sure to hide behind the table and chairs. She didn't want Ann to know she was pregnant. Ann spat on the table.

"You think you can buy my silence? He was my brother."

"You think I don't know that? Don't you think I miss him too Ann? I love Matt."

"Don't. Don't say his name you, slut."

Raven felt she was getting annoyed. Why couldn't Ann just leave her alone? Why couldn't she die in peace.

"Ann I..."

The doorbell rang again, and Raven sighed.

"Come in."

The door opened and Garfield was looking confused at the two women. If Raven had been a god fearing person, she would have thought he or she was testing her.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Garfield Logan, Ann Tallmann. Matt's sister."

"Your Matt?"

Garfield looked quickly at her stomach and Raven shook almost undetectably on her head. She didn't want Ann to know about Boo, partly because then Ann would want to be a part of her life and her secret identity and the secret identity of the others would be in jeopardy. Partly because then Ann would never move on. Partly because Raven didn't want Ann to raise her daughter. Partly because Matt had said that no matter what happened Raven wouldn't owe Ann anything.

"I'm suing her because she killed my brother?"

"Raven kill Matt? You're joking right? Rae hasn't said anything but how wonderful Matt was since she arrived."

"Gar..."

He was bringing up that now? Raven looked at him with a pained look on her face and Ann looked from him to her. Raven finally looked at Ann.

"Go back to your husband and three children Ann. Don't you think they miss you? Please don't wast your time chasing me."

Ann was crying.

"He's my brother."

"I know. And he loved you Ann. Please go home."

She took the papers and started to walk to the door, but stopped when she had just passed Garfield. Then she turned and looked at him.

"You're Garfield Logan? The movie star? My kids are huge fans of your's."

"If I give you an autograph will you leave Rae alone?"

"Gar."

Raven was shocked, and a bit flattered that he wanted to help in his own corny, rude way. Garfield wrote on a piece of paper and Ann left.

"Thank you for not saying anything."

"I trust you."

Raven looked up at him and their eyes met. He gave her half a smile. He wasn't just talking about Ann and Boo.

"I trust you Rae, I just wish you would have trusted me."

"It had nothing to do with me not trusting you. I just didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to feel guilty for hurting you, just because you loved me."

"Hey, I'm not made out of glass."

It was ment as one of his stupid jokes. Raven retaliated.

"But your self-esteem is. It's always been a bit weird."

"Ouch. That hurt."

He was acting, and this made Raven smile. He smiled back.

"How... How much..."

It seemed impossible for him to form that question.

"Everything from two to six weeks. 90 prosent of babies are born within two weeks of the due date."


	8. Chapter 8

Karen was coming over, but not to check up on Raven. Raven didn't mind leaving the apartment, but she was worried for Victor. She hated the fact Karen was putting him through this.

"It's none of your business."

"What's none of your business?"

The elevator doors opened on the ground floor and Raven was surprised to find Garfield stand there. He grinned and Raven sighed. None of the others knew Victor and Karen were still sleeping together. They would never have let it go.

"That's none of your business."

"Okay."

He just shrugged and they walked outside together.

"What are you doing here Gar?"

"I want to be with you, and Vic said you'd be out today. So where are we going?"

"I'm going to the art museeum."

"Sunds... fun."

Raven rolled her eyes as she called a cab and got in. Garfield walked to the other side and got in as well.

"The foreign art museeum. And no it doesn't. Gar. I can't think of anywhere you wouldn't rather be than in a museeum on a Saturday."

"Not with you."

She looked at him, then the driver who was listening. She loved him and what he had said, but she had never been good at expressing that.

"That has to be the most cheesy pick up line I've ever heard."

"I didn't know you had heard so many."

"And besides I thought we had talked about that. It's not propper to go after a woman who's pregnant with another man's child."  
"You can't do that man."

Garfield looked helplessly at the driver, who now seemed even more interested in them. It annoyed Raven.

"Keep your eyes on the road."

He got the hint and was embarrassed by being called out like that. Garfield's cell rang and the girl screaming at him was so loud Raven could hear her loud and clear.

"Where are you?"

"I'm sorry, I can't come today."

"That's the third time you're canceling on me. I thought we have fun together."

"We do."

Raven frowned. Not because a girl called, but because she got a feeling that he was canceling to be with her.

"Are we on for tonight then?"

"Sorry."

The girl sighed.

"You better make this up to me Garfield Logan."

"You know I will."

He hung up. Raven looked out of the window.

"You can't stop your life like that."

"It's my life Rae."

"Yeah, and I'm not going to be a part of it anymore. You have to open up to allow yourself to care for other people."

She touched his face. Just a small gesture, but with a huge message behind it.

"You're dying Rae. I want to spend as much time with you as I can."

"And what happens when I'm gone and you are all alone? You really want to put that on my conscience before I die?"

The car stopped and Raven got out and walked over to Kori and Howard that were waiting on the steps. Garfield jumped out and ran after her.

"Gar."

"Hi Howard."

Garfield picked the boy up and threw him up in the air before catching him again. Howard laughed and Kori laughed and clapped her hands. Raven rolled her eyes, but hid a small smile.

"You are joining us friend Gar?"

"Yeah, I thought I needed a kultural escapade."

"A what?"

Kori got Howard back as she looked confused at him.

"Don't listen to him."

Raven turned Kori and started to walk in. Trying to ignore that Garfield was following her. Kori and Raven rented a audioguide each and then they started to walk talking about the different paintings with a hussed voice. Garfield used his time making faces to Howard, and each time the child laughed too loud he was hushed by his mother.

"You really think this is fun?"

"You know things can be fun just because it doesn't blink and make a lot of sounds."

"But do you want to spend your last days in a museeum?"

Raven turned around and looked at him.

"And what would you do if you were dying?"

He grinned before jumping up on a bench in the middle of the room. Raven paled, and if it hadn't been for the fact that he would have followed her she would have fled the room. Howard clapped his hands and laugh and the thirty or so people in the room looked at him. Half with shock and half with curiosity.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I want you to look at that beautiful pregnant woman over there. Her name is Raven and I want to say to all of you that I love her more than anything else here on earth. She is my best friend, my superior, my anker and my voice of reason."

Raven couldn't decide if she wanted to kill him or kiss him. He jumped down and walked over to her. Grabbing both her hands.

"I know you don't like it, but I need you to know how I feel. I have loved you since you, as a first, said I was funny. I have loved you even when it didn't seem like that and I know that I have chased you away because I have had no idea how to express those feelings for you. But please know that you are not alone. And I know we don't have time, but if we had. Could there have been any hope, even the slightest, that you one day could look at me and not see your stupid friend Gar, but actually love me, if only just a fraction of the way I love you?"

As her lips touched his her water broke.

--

By the time they were by the road Victor and the car were there.

"Where's Karen?"

Raven was placed between Kori and Garfield, with Howard in the front.

"She got mad when I had to cut it short, but don't think about it."

Victor and Raven looked at one another through the mirror and Raven was happy he was there. She screamed as a new contraction came and she could swear she felt something between her legs.

"She's coming."

"Now? It's been like fifteen minutes dude."

"Tell that to her Gar, and don't call me..."

She screamed again and Victor parked the car on an empty car park. Kori jumped out of the car and Raven was laied down with her head in Garfield's lap.

"Kori get the metal-box in the back."

Kori nodded and vanished from Raven's sight. Garfield bent down and kissed Raven's forehead as Victor made room to see. The baby's head was coming.

"Okay when the next contraction comes you have to push Rae."

Raven nodded and when she felt it seconds later she pushed as hard as she could. Kori gave Victor a blanket in which he caught the head.

"Two more good pushes now Rae."

"You're doing great Rae."

Raven didn't answer, because she didn't know what to say. The the next contraption came and she pushed as hard as she could.

"That's great Rae. One more now."

One more and she would see her baby.

One more and she would see Boo.

One more, and she would die.

Please let me see her before I die.

"Now push Rae."

Boo's scream filled the air and made it vibrate. Victor wrapped her in the dark blue blanket and gave her to Raven as he cut the cord. Raven looked down at the grey creature in her arms. She looked like a bloody spunge, and yet Raven had never seen anything as beautiful as her.

"She's wonderful Rae. Rae?"

Garfield grabbed the baby and gave it to Kori, who was suddenly standing behind him. Then he jumped out of the car as Victor pulled her toward him and ripped open her shirt, exposing her chest and checked if her heart was beating. It wasn't. He pulled out a huge needle, filled it with something and plunged it into her heart. Garfield was bent down by Raven's head and cried as he was talking to her.

"Raven please don't give up. Don't give up. Raven Boo needs her mother. Don't give up. Just don't give up Rae."

He bent down and kissed.

"Just give us time."

--

Victor had a weird look on his face when he gave Garfield the white envelope.

"What's that?"

"A letter to Boo, from Rae."

Garfield looked confused at him.

"When Rae was pregnant she wrote this for Boo and asked me to give it to her parents when she was old enough. She said they had to decide if they wanted to give it to her."

Garfield looked down at the envelope before he sighed and got up. He knocked on the door and Boo, also know as Amara Logan, opened with a huge smile on her face. She didn't look a lot like her mother, but enough for her to have to wear a ring when in public. She was sixteen today.

"Is Howard here yet?"

"No."

"Why is he always late? He's the one who said I had to go out with him today anyway. He sais that now that I'm sixteen I have to find a lover."

She was joking, but Garfield wasn't in the right mood or positon to enjoy it. Boo realised he something was wrong and she frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Here."

He gave her the envelope. She looked at it.

"What is it?"

"A letter from your mother?"


	9. Chapter 9

_Dear Boo. _

_I don't know what you know about me, but I assume since you are reading this you at least know about me. I am your mother. I never thought I could be anyones mother, but in too short amount of time I will give birth to you and for an even shorter amount of time I will be your mother. _

_I will be your mother. _

_And you will be my child. _

_I was once a good friend of Victor Stone, Garfield Logan, Kori and Richard Greyson, whom I assume you will know at least by name. Victor Stone is the man in charge of your trust fund. And for a long time they were my world. We were something great. We were a family, and I know that you will be safe because they will take care of you. _

_I know that you will have a lot of questions and I know I can't answer them, but I can tell you a little bit about me and your birth father. A man named Matt. _

_Matt is your biological father and I met him when I lived at Min' Mountain. He was a ranger there and was a kind, wonderful person that entered my life when I felt alone and unwanted. Not because people didn't want me, but because I had managed to distance myself from the only people who had ever cared for me. Something I unfortunately was too good at. Matt was an amazing person who loved me and whom I loved. He died during your conception because he loved me, and he was a man you can be proud of. I know he would have loved you. _

_If you have any questions about me you can ask any of my former friends and though they will tell you different things, I doubt they will describe different people. Kori will probably tell you about how kind I was, and this will be an exaggeration. She has always had a good heart and tries her best to see the best in this world. And though I was not one of the best people in this world I was a better person because of her. Vic will tell you how I was open minded and trustworthy, and I hope at least open-mindedness is something you too possess. Never judge someone for anything else but how they treat you and how they treat those who can't defend themselves. Never be the one they need defending from, unless they deserve it. Dick will tell you that I was a person filled with hope. At least he told me a few times. He once said that I was the most hopefull person he knew. I don't know why. I don't like admitting it, but I have given up hope more than one time Boo, and it's only because of my friends I always got it back. _

_I love Matt Boo, and if he hadn't died and if I had been normal I would most likely have married him and lived with him. But the truth is that I love someone else too. I love a man named Garfield Logan. A great and wonderful man, and if I just dared I would have told him just how much I truly love him. He was very different from me. And when I could seem dark and creepy, he was the joker and the center of attention. But that was why he and I was so great together. He gave me light and made me realise I was not alone, and I made him see that being different wasn't so bad. Never underestimate the sentence You are not alone. Never underetstimate the action of talking to someone who believes they are. _

_I don't know if you are different, and if you are I know one of them will explain to you how it works and all I can say is that you are not evil, and not being allowed to endulge in them is not the same as not having them. _

_This is not enough, because we should have had a lifetime to talk to one another. To laugh, cry, fight and make up. I should be the one to bath you, to dress you, to talk to you about the world. To teach you how to read and write. But this is all I can give you. This is all I can be for you. Letters on a piece of paper. It's not fair Boo, and when you get someone close to you I hope you will understand and I hope you will be everything for them. _

_I love you Boo, and that is why this is the way it has to be. Because I love you. Because I want you. Because I would rather die than have a world that you are not a part of. I love you Boo, and never understimate the power of love. Be it for friends, a lover, partners or family. _

_I love you_

Boo had sat down while reading the letter and tears had formed in her eyes. Then she looked up at Garfield.

"Mom's not my real mother?"


End file.
